I think the depression, and the paranoia, and whatever else, has slowly built up due to friends moving away, or losing people in other ways. Even though they were usually quickly replaced, the hurt has accumulated. Animals, too. Along with my mother getting busy with work, and my father being what he is, i guess I've just felt like I'm unloveable. And when people would try, I'd push them away for fear of admitting i was wrong about being unloveable. And it took having so much ripped away in the right order, plus lots of revelation, and even more forgetting it for awhile, but i think, knowing this, i could finally be able to begin to fix some of it.
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